Good morning folks
Welcome to the Monday morning Superclunk.com blog.
First up, a VIDEO!
To all you brilliant people who commented on the blog last week
I hast together all this gobbledygook on a Sunday night, but I am never quite sure if anybody actually reads it! So, thank you, it meant a lot to me. You all rock!
What’s in a name?
Something normally goes pearshaped here, most of the time.
This week it was the Nipper’s passport renewal application…
We wanted to renew her passport when we were in Blighty, but we were about one day short of time, we would have had to send both her passports and the August bank holiday sealed our fate.
“I’ll do it from Peru” I said, famous last words.
My good mate, James D, kindly took all the documents back to the UK to post them, but we hit a major hurdle.
In Peru (and most, but not all Latin American countries) there is an archaic Colonial Hispanic double-surname system.
For example: If Juanita’s parents were called Jose Domingo and Maria Lunes, Juanita would be Juanita Domingo Lunes.
When people get married, they keep the same surnames, and if they have children, their surnames shift one decimal point, reflecting the new father’s name.
So, if Juanita Domingo Lunes got married to Juan Martes Miercoles, she would become Juanita Domingo Martes.
You have to have two surnames, I am Parsons XXX at work.
(Which makes me sound like a Vin Diesel rip-off, a bad pornstar or somebody is blowing a trio of kisses at me!)
Basically the Nipper has one surname in the UK and two surnames here.
After several rounds of email tennis with the UK passport people, we are left with no option but to change the bairn’s name by Deed Poll, to put it in line with her Peruvian ID, (to be then changed back again by Deed Poll, if/as/when we go back to Blighty one day).
I thought folk only used Deed Poll to change their names to Zeberdee Zeus Zacharia IV or to Mickey Mouse!
This is the simplified version of events. Local solicitors are rubbing their hands in glee as we will have to procure a bunch of not-quite-free signatures from said vultures for this process.
Michael Jackson’s autograph would be cheaper (and possibly easier to get!)
Hoping to have the process wrapped up before next August…
Dogs have played quite a large part in day-to-day happenings this week…
When I am out running, it is part&parcel. Dogs and runners are not a good mix.
Dogs naturally chase people, especially if they are running away!
However, when I was hotfooting it to class on Wednesday (exam day), I didn’t expect the hound walking towards me to suddenly go bananas!
The woman walking the dog was more engrossed in her phone and so when Fido (a young Rottweiler) went for me, he slipped her grip and lunged for me, no muzzle, all fangs and slaver:
a) Pushing me into the wall, cutting my arm.
b) Dirtying my pantaloons, fresh from the Dry Cleaners.
c) Somehow, despite having more teeth than a crocodile snapping away, it didn’t sink it’s gnashers into me!
I was close enough to give it a dental check and then gave the hefty hound a hefty boot, but this (obviously) just made it more angry, but it gave the slack owner time to grab its lead, then she ran off!
In true Roger Cook style, I ran after her, but as I was just outside my work, with students present, I couldn’t really start effing-&-jeffing my head off, (besides, this is new routine week, no cursing!) The woman ran off and then passed the dog to her slack husband.
When I challenged him, he said “Why did it attack you?
Don’t get rhetorical with me, I felt like saying but as the clock was-a-ticking, I had to drop it and get to work.
If you do see these lovely people and their hound, say hello from me.
Ommmmm-count to ten…
Friday saw the 23rd annual Convention at work and it was a mighty fine day out.
Conferences on the whole are generally non-too-exciting, but this is a bit different.
As there are 11 centres at work across the city and more than 600 teachers, it is the only opportunity of the year to see everybody. Plus there are normally some decent guest speakers, plus you normally pick up a few useful tips from local teachers, plus there is a quality bit of tucker laid on, plus it is the only Friday of they year when I don’t finish work at 9:15pm, so we are in the boozer by teatime
Footnote: I was pressganged/tricked into promising to give a presentation next year. Can I get away with talking about rugby league, shinkicking and Cumberland Wrestling, somehow linking it to teaching? Answers on a postcard please…
Managed to watch a bit of this, but after about 15mins I realised that much as I like watching Aussie Rules football, I have less than zero ideas of any of the rules!
7 weeks to go…
The (El) Misti Sky Race is only 6 weeks away!
Looking back at previous seasons, I’d either done my boots in or was crocked by this time of year, so hopefully I can keep some semblance of training going until the big day…
Motivation has taken a nose dive of late. I don’t know why, but it always does around October/November, tail-end of the season lethargy/apathy.
Squeezed in a decent run on Sunday morning, up and out and into yonder hills early doors. Familiar ground, but desperately needing to get some vertical feet/metres/miles in my legs.
Had the “cerros” to myself, as in there were no other punters, but bloody ‘ell, them hounds were on my case today…
There are four places on my route where I have to evade packs of fearsome pooches:
1) Crossing Av. Raul Ferrero
This is a blind-bend dual carriageway, my only road crossing but I have to be across by 6:30am, otherwise I’d be waiting all day. Immediately after crossing said race track there are two junkyard dogs, who recently bore two identical junkyard puppies, all four of whom chase me up the first big climb, Cerro Sentinela. They stay on their patch and get bored quite soon.
Odds of being mauled: 4/1
2) Pamplona Alta II.
The first shantytown up in the hills. A fogbound ghost town, which seems to expand each week, but the occupants are nowhere to be seen, ever. I try to skirt round the edges, but the resident hounds are on my scent before I get close.
Most hounds give themselves away by barking/snarling/yapping.
Today there was the new breed; the silent assassin!
Four times I was ambushed by the same pooch, four times it was close-quarters combat with my swanky new running sticks. I lobbed a rock in its direction, but I am such a crap shot that it hit a corrugated metal hut, awakening all the remaining canine population.
It was a cross between 28 Days Later, Benny Hill and the Pied Piper of Hamlin, as I ran for my life.
Odds of being mauled: 2/1 (odds-on)
3) Los Sauces.
After getting my breath back and a ball-bearings-on-bedrock descent, I now have the baying four-legged mob from Los Sauces, either at the hole-in-the-wall (not a cashpoint) or at any point along the wall-of-shame. (Their numbers have been reduced by two in the last two weeks. One is now a skeleton and the other poor pooch has just been thrown over the wall to rot, which it is doing rather stinkedly right now).
This gang are a sneaky bunch and use the height advantage to attack from the top of the wall, which I try to give as wide-a-berth as possible, without getting cragfast!
Odds of getting mauled: 7/2
4) Last lookout hill.
This is an unpredictable one and a lot depends on whether the “Huachiman” is present or not, which he doesn’t appear to be early Sunday morning. 2-3 dogs, one of which is kamikaze enough to jump from the top deck of the lookout tower!
As the wind seems to be blowing towards you, and it is not until right at the summit after a long. steep climb that you know if the dogs are there/locked-up/sleeping/hungry.
If they are about, you’re gonna have problems!
Odds of getting mauled: 11/10 – 9/4.
So, it’s not just a case of keeping my legs working for the next 6 weeks, it’s also a case of not getting my sorry ar$e eaten by “man’s best friend!” beforehand!
The end of a long, hard season in the Championship for the mighty Shipbuilders.
Promotion last season was always going to be a tough challenge, so staying up/avoiding the drop was a great achievement and a HUGE relief.
A final away game at in-form Featherstone Rovers was a tough finish, but the Raiders didn’t disgrace themselves. The Flat-capper brigade at Post Office Road are a tough crowd.
(It was actually Featherstone who ended our 23mth long unbeaten run at home, the swines!)
34:6 down, but not out!
That’s all from the Raiders until next season. Onwards and Upwards
I leave you this week with this fine video.
BRIT ROCK 2018 FILM TOUR is a collection of six awesome films made by some of the best film makers in the business, including my mate Al Lee at Posing Productions.
The TOUR goes up and down the UK, plus Ireland, plus the US of A!
Check THIS trailer out
That’s all for now folks.
Have yersens a mighty fine week!
Johnny, Lina & the Nipper
p.s. Sticking my neck right out, right at the end.
You do get the standard conversation here, usually in taxis:
Taxista: “How long have you been in Peru? Do you like Peruvian food, best in the World?”
(Which is delivered as more of a statement than a question).
Now I am not a massive food person, I like food, but I could happily survive on coffee, bananas and toast, BUT this week I had not one, but TWO curries, at Mantra curryhouse and they were bloody gorgeous!
(Curry isn’t massive here).
Big thank you to JD for smuggling back this little packet of contraband curry mix
p.p.s. A student brought me two monster Avocados this week