Noise and noises…


Good morning folks

I trust you had a mighty fine weekend and that you are in tiptop form.
Your weekly round-up from Limalandia.
It has been what could be summed up as a tense week, in all camps.

I have become an increasingly difficult person at times, I am trying to sort myself out.
For those who I have upset, I apologise.
(Obviously apart from all of my neighbours, you can all go (deleted expletive) yourselves!)

Noise and noises!


I may have mentioned in passing that the neighbourhood where I live, is not the quietest of spots. Just like the Super Furry Animals and Robin Friday, my neighbours don’t give a xxxx for anybody else.

(I’m not talking Castlemaine Four xxxx either).


Added to this the fact that my building has been constructed from a special noise-carrying/conducting material and that the “bomba” (water pump) was designed for a paddling pool for mice (which has cost over a grand (in £s) to keep going this year) and which makes a constant groaaaaaaaaning noise, like a tormented ghost all day and all night, which means it is kind of hard to get much kip at any time, plus as I live two block away from the Panamericana Highway, I can hear horns honking pretty much all day and all night, along with three blocks of flats being built and also the joys of…

The sounds of the street!


Starting with:

Whistling Miguel: The Huachiman, who likes to ride a bicycle and blow a whistle 24/7, the whistle serves no purpose bar making sure people don’t really sleep.

Horny Neighbour starts off his day at 6am by honking his horn three times, again at 1pm, 6pm and 11pm. It is always at these times and is always three times.


Breadman Billy: A kind of “duck horn” from 5:30am-9am, selling bread from his tricycle.

Fort Knox Alarm goes off twice a day, once at 5am and again at midnight (give or take a few hours either way, but you will hear it!)

World’s most Sensitive car alarm  goes off all day and night, normally set off by a flea sneezing or people passing by.

Rag-and-bone-man Raul: Crying “Papeles, botellas, desechos” from 8am onwards. Two years ago I gave him an ironing board, so he always shouts extra loud and waits outside my gaff.


Knifeman (don’t know his name) who has a kind of “goose horn” to tempt folk to sharpen their knives on his spinning wheel around 10am.

“HEL-A-DOSSSSSS” (ice creams) is the cry from 11am till dusk, plus another slightly different kind of “duck horn” (imagine Maka Paka from the Night Garden).

Raul usually comes back in the afternoon.

Then Breadman Billy comes back for his bread money. Usually people aren’t back from work, so he comes back a third time later on.

“Serenazgo” (a kind of inept and completely inefficacious “security” service) come round once a week in a battered old riot van, usually in the early hours with strobes and a REALLY loud horn).

Between 11pm to midnight, the “Basureros” (binmen) come playing their tune, just in case you were asleep.


On Monday night I got home from work at 10pm to find a neighbour sat in his car blocking the road hand firmly on “claxon”. Why? Somebody had blocked the garage door, so he was honking his horn as a noisy protest. Nobody came out and he left his car blocking the road, so everybody trying to get past honked and then had to go back the way they came. Until 10:30pm when the Basureros came and couldn’t get past. As they physically couldn’t reverse, they upped the volume of their music and honked their horn, then Serenazgo came the other way and started honking their horn and made him move, which he did eventually and then the Policia came and honked their horn and sirens. In any other district, if you park an inch out of place, they have the tow-truck come and cart away the offending motor. Not in Salamanca. The Police said the car was “clean” and there was nothing they could do and left. So noisy neighbour got back in his car and started honking again. Then he let the tyres down on the car blocking the garage and by 11:30pm, the owner of the blocking car appeared and drove off (with four flat tyres).


Then, a taxi came and blocked the garage door, you can guess the rest of this story…

On Thursday all of the above were joined by who I would best describe as “Village Idiot with a horn
(a “duck horn” similar to Breadman Billy, which caused confusion, as Village Idiot wasn’t actually selling anything nor offering a service), he was just walking round and round the block from 7am to midnight honking his horn, basically being a noisy ar$e!


So, not much P&Q this week, nor any week, but this is Salamanca!
I am slowly going deaf, but when it happens will I still be sane enough to realise?


Up the Shipbuilders!

The best news of the week, in fact the best news in a lifetime of supporting a club who would be best described as “unlucky” was that my beloved Barrow (Raiders) RLFC got promoted after beating local rivals, Whitehaven, in the play-offs. They go up to division 1 (one below Superleague).


It may not mean a lot to many folk, but I’ve followed this team since “I were a lad” (or maybe to avoid confusion since I was a bairn, I still am male).

HORNEE(Not the annoying Salamanca type of musical instrument, but the legendary Willie Horne!)

They were a really good team years and years ago, lifting the Challenge Cup in 1955 (!)

However, times have been lean since then and after being diddled/swindled out of a large sum of money in recent years, the future was never looking good, but they have done it and as Eric Cantona once said “I am very ‘appy!”


Arriba Peru carajo!

In other sporting news, there has been the small sporting matter of an entire nation going nuts over the possibility of their national side qualifying for the World Cup!


Peru are one match away from success or heartbreak, after drawing away to Argentina, a team with far more to lose than the red&whites) on Thursday (which maybe spurred “Village Idiot” to walk round and round and round honking his horn, albeit emotionlessly).

It leaves everything until the final whistle of the final match on Thursday as about 5 countries can still qualify and Peru need to beat Colombia. If they do, they’re in!


It was 1982 when Peru last reached the World Cup, so this is BIG news here. I had classes on Thursday (with very few students), I am expecting no students on Tuesday. Can they do it? Watch this space…


Still crocked :-(

On the other sporting front, the good news is that my trainers should last a long time as I am still not running.


Not sure when I’ll be back in action?

No roundabouts :-(


As it was half-term, I’d been promising the Nipper that we’d go to “the roundabouts” all week. They are at a park about a mile away, but we made it there midweek, to find the roundabouts, gone!

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When I asked a guard, they looked at me like it was a stupid question to which I should obviously know the answer to (general response I get for most questions), so we walked home with long faces, the pair of us :-( :-(



Had a bit of top tucker with James B, Irma, James D, Erika and the two ladies on Sunday.
I thought my crappy Spanish was failing me, but realised that half the menu was in Italian (just half and intermixed with Spanish).
It was a good feed :-)


Adventure #11

Lightroom (758B0837.CR2 and 10 others)

The Adventurists (creators of the Mongol Rally among many other madcap schemes) have just released the details of their latest invention. Check THIS out!

Wolf of Wall Street!

As the ladies were away on Friday night, I watched a film I’ve been wanting to see for years, “The Wolf of Wall Street“, what a classic! I was having Goodfellas flashbacks all the way through.
(We never really get to watch films these days, so it was a real treat!)


Even though there is a free bar at the Work’s Party, it never really gets that crazy.
First Direct was a rather heady place in the mid-90′s, but even so, free bar parties at the Majestyk and the old T&C, never really got that out of hand. Think it’s too late now to train as a Stockbroker!

And finally…


Something I fear/feel that I am sometimes doing here in Lima (on the bad days, of which there are a few) is wishing my time away. Thinking ahead to when/if I’ll be fit again, to the next big session, to the next payday, to  Christmas, to when Lina finally finishes her course, etc, etc, etc…

This is of course, very bad. Life is short and you only get one shot at it. I don’t believe in reincarnation myself, so what you do you do and what you don’t, doesn’t get done.
I need to turn around my current midweek stinking foul mood slumps and look more for the positives (here). I will really try!


This two minute VIDEO sums it up very nicely indeed :-)

Have yourself an awesome week!

Johnny, Lina & the Nipper

p.s. Get in Barrow :-)



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