Good morning folks

I trust this finds you in tiptop form and that you had an awesome weekend.
Here is the weekly wrap-up of news, moans and goings-on from Limalandia.
Papa Noel is on his way, but it never feels super-Christmassy when you’re sweating your proverbials off. I have a feeling the “sudden” arrival of the fat lad in red may bite my last-minute-ass this year…


Neighbour of the week!


“Idiot Towers” across the street continues to fill with delightful, clueless, incredibly noisy neighbours, (including the lass with a huge TV turned up so loud, we don’t actually need a TV, as she leaves her windows open and we can hear every word of what she is watching, normally “Fast & Furioso” or “Combate”), plus the lovely folk who keep their poodle on the balcony all day/night, every day/night, no RSPCA here sadly).

However, prize for “At$eh0!e of the week” goes to the guy next door (who I fear may be winning this prize every week from now on in)…


- 7am Saturday morning I heard the unmistakable sound of scaffolding being unloaded.
Oh yes, the gazebo van was back. A group of scallies who spend all day setting up a huge gazebo and chairs. This racket is merely a warm-up for the evening though.


Lina was studying all weekend so I had my hands full with the Nipper, full day out Saturday.
Around 10pm, a sudden BOOM and all the racket of a terrible two-piece orchestra (of sorts) blasting out all manner of songs, a bit like karaoke-on-steroids. Impossible to sleep through.
This carried on until 5am.

The problem is that the local “Serenazgo” (like community police-ish, the real bobbies wouldn’t even get out of bed to stop a party), don’t do a thing here in my crappy district.
If they do actually answer the phone, you get:
- What? It is the weekend.
– It is only 3am.
– You should be more considerate towards your neighbours having a party.

If they actually come out to a party, they are normally paid off with food and drink. “No problem here” kind of thing.


I’ve nothing against a party, nothing at all, it’s just noise that kills me, when it is every Friday/Saturday (and sometimes a midweek bonus, like this Tuesday).
I did shifts for 7 years and the nights did me in completely.
As a kind of mental torture, the military used to use “sleep deprivation” as a way to make captured soldiers talk.

Some folk have an ability to survive on 2-3hrs sleep. I am not one of those people.
It turns an irritable bear into a very irritated bear. I am not good to be around.

Hopefully if/when the house move actually comes off, although it may not be any quieter, the “Serenazgo” apparently do actually get off their arses, I am told…

I am wasting my breath moaning about the noise here. I just really, really miss peace and quiet.
I miss it a lot.


Nipper’s Day Out…

Saturday was already sorted, long before it had dawned.

As Lina was away, the Wee One had decided on the plan of attack, (you may be able to guess).
- Steam Train
- Facepainting.
- Pizza
- Ice cream

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With the challenge of two bus rides either side, with bairn and modified pushchair carrying system (she is growing out of it, but it is just too far to walk in between buses).


After ticking off all four challenges (and feeding the ducks/pigeons/geese/fish), we made our way home :-)

Nueva Lima (new Lima)


I noticed a stall at a fair at the “Parque de Amistad” advertising a futuristic Bladerunner/Tron style futuristic cityscape artistic impression of LIMA NUEVA!

As I am about as hacked off as physically possible with life in Salamanca, I naturally enquired.

It is never possible to ask a quick nor generic question from hard-nosed salesfolk (who just called me now, on a Sunday evening, after sending two emails, a Watsapp and two texts in the last 24 hours).


It looks like a great idea, especially as I was assured that the president himself had promised to build a high-speed train, there and back (with his own bare hands) from there to Lima.

Noticia-161429-trafico-en-lima nueva_lima_el_lugar_ideal_para_vivir_2200074504374290395

The only issue is that there is actually about 120km south of the capital, way down the Panamericana Sur. The train itself would only take 20 minutes apparently…


Plots are on a special pre-Christmas offer at $50,000 for 200 m²
I didn’t have the heart to tell the salesperson that I only have 50,000 Intis, but I don’t think she’ll reserve a spot for us with that!

Just say No!

ButtonMakers Pattern Template

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…

I don’t want to be the one who said “I told you so”, but, I told you so!

“Peru’s Paolo Guerrero to miss World Cup after testing positive for cocaine”


Strong stuff is that coca tea, especially when you dry it out and snort it (allegedly)!


The strange thing is that the press/nation is completely behind him still.
Complete solidarity, no backlash whatsoever.

Robbie-Fowler-1024x576 Football Soccer - World Cup 2018 Qualifier - Argentina v Peru

Behind yer!


He is the Captain and the leading goalscorer, but as it stands he won’t be going to Moscow (or many other football matches for the next 12 months), but he will likely appeal and who knows, may still get there, watch this space…

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To the hills…


Friday was a bank holiday (although the banks were open) and as Lina was away for the weekend, I had to shoehorn 3 days training into one morning, so 5am saw me on a sweaty rickety bus to the yonder side of the Doubtful Round. As it was a bank holiday quite a few passengers had taken advantage of a day off work to go out on Thursday night until dawn and the lad next to me was about as drunk as it is possible to be. I’ll never know if he made his stop, as I left him snoring as I jumped off at the far side of La Molina…


My running has been shocking the last few weeks, but I’ve done lots of ballwork (if that helps?)
The far side of the Doubtful Round starts with a 3-mile/5km climb up to about 3000ft/1000m (I’ve been warned about being an Imperialist!)
It is a brilliant long ridge, but rough as a bear’s backside, really technical stuff (especially if you’ve got size 13s). Then simply follow the wall, dodge the dogs (especially the HUGE Doberman, which woke me up out of a trance-like-dream) to the hole-in-the-wall and follow the wall on the other side, which is a completely different run altogether.

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It is a dusty, rocky barren place, but to be honest, it’s my playground and I love it up there.

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With the house move, I’ll be much further away from the hills, but much closer to the coast, which is not ideal for altitude training, but there you go!


I had completely forgotten about the latest round of “storytelling”, a course I signed up for yonks ago at work. The first two rounds (to kids and teenagers) went without too many hiccups and I thought it was all over, until this week…

dad dadd

I naively thought that I would be reading from a book, as one of my biggest problems is my memory (or lack of it, especially short-term stuff).


A week of rehearsals and two performances this week, to the fierce punters of Surco and San Juan de Lurigancho. I’ve already been told to slow down and not get carried away with myself.
It is a short story (5 minutes) and if I say it fast enough, I am less likely to forget it, but I will try my best.

Tenuously linked with this video


It was Mad Cyril!

(In case you wondered where the Happy Mondays got their inspiration!)

Nipper’s Party

Sunday morning was a dawn start (in fact, it kind of merged into Saturday night, with the band playing next door), as it was the Britanico Christmas Party (for kids, next week is the grown-up’s version!)

The bairn had already decided on a dress, but we couldn’t find a top to match (colourblind 45yr old and a bossy 3yr old!) However, we still made it for 9:30am.


It was a grand do, as always.

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The only thing that mystifies me with these events is the energy levels of the lass leading “the show”. I am still quite new to kids parties, (we used to play musical chairs and the “Shake-a-six-to-cut-the-chocolate-up-wearing-fancy-dress-and-boxing-gloves” game when I were a lad!)


25286987_10159762476955302_948169113_nA good morning was had by all :-)

Musical Youth.


I am not sure of the scientific reason why time seems to speed up as we get older?
Decreasing Dopamine levels, less “memorable” events, learning levels slowing down (all very depressing), or the fact that to a ten-year-old, a year is only 10% of their life and to a 20-year-old it is only 5% (and so on and so forth), but the fact is that time does go faster!

This (coupled with my appalling memory) causes me to sometimes make references that are perhaps a bit out of date.

It is like when you think of when a classic album (eg, Definitely Maybe) turns 20 years old. Rewind to 2004.
Oasis released their groundbreaking album on April, 6 days after Kurt Cobain killed himself (or did he? We won’t go there). At the time you think things are good and musically (for me personally) and socially, they were bloody heady days! Things really couldn’t get better. I don’t want to get into a “Now Vs.Then” comparison battle, as I am a bit biased.

I don’t want to get into a long ramble about nostalgia either (much as I am tempted).

Where is this nonsensical thread leading to?

A class I had recently.
Upper-intermediate students, all university age (18-25), excellent level of English, switched-on youths.

The topic was loosely related to “Grunge” music, an exciting and significant time. At least I thought so…

Kurt Cobain File Photos entertainment-2011-06-nirvana-nirvana-15

- Show a picture of Kurt Cobain = No response.

- Show a picture of Nirvana = Still no response.

- Show a picture of Foo Fighters = Same/no response.

- Show a picture of Oasis = Class falling asleep.

- Show a picture of Katy Perry/Justin Beieieber/Bruno Mars = Class wake up!
- (Sound of a distant gunshot…)


Then I realised, 1991 was years before they were all born. It’d be like your granddad talking about Conway Twitty! However, musically, isn’t it important to know about bands like this?

Every morning at 5am, the neighbour above puts on her stereo in the bathroom (all the flats are the same plan and there is a ventilation shaft which carries noise, so I hear it) and plays the same dreadful stuff every day, it’s the modern phenomenon called “reggaeton” which is what all the young cats listen to here and it is absolute musical bo!!0cks! (In a bad way, it is sheer dross and I sound old saying that, but it is garbage).

Music is personal choice and I would never impose any music on another person (unlike all my neighbours on me), but …

I’ve no words.

(Liam Gallagher and Depeche Mode are both playing in the same week next March in Lima, maybe this will change musical opinion?)

59e500cd47f86 depecheweb

The Nipper’s current favourite tune is the Banana Splits theme tune!

PC Singleton

Christmas special!

Spirit of Adventure

Next week…

And finally

My mate Darwin Dave, posted this brilliant little video on facebook.
It is a beauty.
I’ll leave you with THIS :-)

Have an awesome week!

Johnny, Lina & Valentina

p.s. By the time of the next blog, “The Premiere” will have aired and I will either be famous/disgraced. At least I will be able to talk about it then…


2 thoughts on “Performance!

  1. Sofia

    About Nueva Lima… don’t do it! It’ll probably take like 20 years to make and another 20 to make the train!
    Crappy neighbours are crappy. I hope my dogs’ barking don,t make ME the terrible neighbour!

    1. Johnny Bravo Post author

      Haha, very true.
      When I asked why I’d never heard of it, she got a bit flustered!
      I am ready to murder my vecinos, will I keep my cool for one more month???


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