Sick as a perro, no licence (yet) and Victor Meldrew says…

Good morning folks

I trust you’re in tiptop form & finest fettle.
If you’re reading this in Blighty, I hope you’re enjoying the snow.
If you’re reading this here in sweaty Lima, I hope you’re enjoying an ice-pop!
A very brief round-up from the city of the loudest air horns invented…

Sick as a perro…

Blimey, it’s been a grueller!
I’ve had (proper) flu twice in my life. Once when I was 10 years old, at Christmas & once in the unheated luxury of Lambton Towers, where I shivered deliriously whilst the winter storm raged outside. Flu in its fiercest form is something that simply sends you to bed. It’s more than “just a cold”.

I’d only had a Migraine once in my life. Being a lifelong fan of pushbiking I never made it to France yet, but ever since seeing Hinault clinch it in the mid-eighties I was hooked. It is a race steeped thickly in history, scandal, superhuman efforts & sheer graft. When I heard that it would be passing through Yorkshire in 2013, I couldn’t believe my look. In addition it fell on my weekend off. I woke up at 3am on the Saturday morning, unable to see/focus/move. All weekend I was struck down with my first ever migraine, joy. The whole county was out & I’m told that it was an epic. I didn’t see it, not even on telly :-(

I’ve had food poisoning twice. Both times in Bolivia. Not just dodgy guts, but the type where you don’t want to stray more than 6 feet/5 seconds away from a toilet/bucket/hole scratched in the sand.
I’d gone in search of Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, so when I copped for a dodgy “Empanada”, I suddenly found myself 9hrs by 4×4 (just me & a guide, no trees to hide behind on the Altiplano), 48hrs by bus (my seat had been double-booked & I spent the entire journey arguing with a drunkard, that the seat was mine, between throwing up out of the window & desperately waiting for stops), a 2hr flight (which I’d had to change twice, so it cost as much as a private jet) & a tense 1hr taxi ride (Av. Faucett at rush hour, say no more) from home. I’ll spare you the gruesome details…
1BBBBB“Donde este el baño!!!”

All unpleasant episodes on their own, but providing you survive these incidents, they do make life’s tapestry a bit richer!
However, this week was a week where all of the above were poured into the mixing bucket & fed to me in a “yard-of-ale” style dose.
I have been sick as a mangy  dog! My word, have I been sick.
It coincided with me going full time at work & the hottest, sweatiest week of the summer yet.
On top of all these weird & wonderful symptoms, I’ve had a nausea that has been turning my stomach at everything.
Not even had a cup of coffee since Monday, now that is bad. The first time in the last 10 years that I’ve gone more than one day without a caffeine fix.
“Life with no coffee” cannot last for long. (The no-coffee bit! Hopefully life will continue a bit longer!)
No bananas, nor bread neither. My staple diet.
Nothing to eat on Monday, Tuesday. “Sopa de pollo” (chicken soup) until Friday & then a few other different things over the weekend.
The sweating, the (2) migraines (bus air horns, noooooo) & the nausea have almost done for me, but…
I’m on the mend I think!
The good thing is that all locals appear to also be GPs on the side. As soon as I mention that I’m feeling crook, I immediately get an instant diagnosis.
Most of these are “It’s the weather”, the never-really-wildly-different-Lima-climate.
It’s hot & sweaty now, & slightly cooler & sweaty in winter.
(If you cop for anything in winter, it’s blamed on the weather too. Naughty weather!)
Moan over.
It’s been a tough old week.
If there was ever a week when I just wanted to get on a plane black to Blighty (snow or no snow), it was this week.
Feeling sick is never good when you’re also suffering from a bit of homesickness…

No licence yet!

As requested, I got the requested document, a new “Declaracion Jurada” & took it back to the far side of Lima, to collect my licence, but was never really confident that it’d be ready.
After waiting yonks, when I handed in the requested document, I was met with silence, then hushed conversations, then hushed phone calls & then a hushed wait.
I’ve been told to call tomorrow for an update. We’ll see what happens…

Victor Meldrew says…


“Hey, hey wait a minute Mr. Postman!”
The infamous Serpost. Lima’s answer to the Royal Mail (cerca 1420).
The worst of the worst. A bunch of professional stallers & common thieves!
I’ve never been a fan of Serpost.
Sending even a simple postcard can be a 45 minute exercise in patience & restraint.
Receiving a parcel is another matter altogether.

My Mum sent Lina’s birthday card in October, it arrived on Wednesday, her birthday was in early December!
My Mum also sent a small parcel; things for the Nipper. things we can’t get here. Nothing of extreme material value, but when somebody has chosen a present & taken the time to send it, you want to receive it.
Anyroad, after having almost given up on it, it arrived on Friday, opened & picked/rummaged through.
What a surprise. (It’s not the first time).
There’s nobody to complain to & it would be a fruitless goose chase anyway.
Most people say “Yeah, that’s Serpost” like they accept it as normal.
Is it normal for a postal service to hang onto a parcel for 6 weeks after it’s arrival & see what is inside it!
I used to get LOADS of post & tat delivered in Blighty & never, ever had any problem. Was I just lucky?

The thing is that nobody uses the post here as it is so bad, HOWEVER, if it was a good (or even average) service, people might use it & that would reduce the need to go across town with a single sheet of paper, losing 3hrs of one’s life, clogging up public transport, etc…
Do you get what I’m saying?
What kind of investment would it take from the cash-rich government to turn the service around & make it something to be proud of, rather than sworn at!
Victor Meldrew say “Piense Varon. Keep your sticky mitts off my post you thieving git!”

And finally…

To finish on a positive note (after a good old moan), I leave you with this cracking short video!
I love Triumph (motorbikes, not bras) & although I’ll probably never, ever have one, I would love a Tiger 800XC.
(If I ever did win the pools that is!)

They have made this excellent short video. Even if you’re not into bikes, it is worth a watch :-)

Have yersen thee most splendid of splendid weeks.

Big hug
Johnny, Lina & the Nipper x

4 thoughts on “Sick as a perro, no licence (yet) and Victor Meldrew says…

  1. Sophie

    I forgot to ask how you were on Saturday!

    Yes, the post sucks. I’m waiting on three packages since… November TT I even went to day to see if there was anything there but nooooo. Must wait.

    1. Johnny Bravo Post author


      This slipped through the net/under the radar!
      Apologies, I wasn’t ignoring you, I would never do that.
      I think we should start our own postal service and a rival company to ebay/amazon ;-)


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