Good morning folks
Welcome to Superclunk.com!
This used to be Mongoliando.com, but it’s time for a change.
Mongoliando.com served us well, originally set up as a site for our Mongol Rally 2012, it developed into a sporadic blog & then the weekly Monday morning Mongoliando.com blog, which I’ve scribbled & patched together every Sunday since January 2015.
Now it’s time to put it to bed. The Mongol Rally was an incredible, life-changing trip & it has shaped/influenced me & what makes me tick, but it’s not living in Lima in 2016.
All the old content is here (& we’ve kept TOP TIPS in the menu bar for posterity), but it’s time for a change.
Mongoliando.com was becoming a bit of a weekly whinge, more like Moangoliando.com.
Things here in Lima do tend to drive you nuts, especially the traffic.
Victor Meldrew will have one more grumble today & then that’s it!
Hopefully Superclunk.com will be a bit more upbeat. I’ve had a fair chunk of positivity punched out of me here, relationships have been strained, but you can’t keep a good man down & now it’s time to bounce back. Expect a weekly Lima round-up & more!
I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to the following three fine chaps:
Roberto: My Web Magician/Genius. http://www.sadrobot.co.uk/
Dannyboy: My ever patient Super Graphic Designer brother. http://www.shine-creative.co.uk/
& Neil: My writing Guru & an amigo who has helped me immensely. http://wanderingdesk.com/
Gentlemen, I salute you
So, what’s been happening in la locura de Lima recently.
Welcome to Superclunk.com
Happy Golden Anniversary!
My Mum & Dad celebrated 50 years of being married on Saturday.
I love my folks, they taught me everything I know. I miss them both & was gutted to miss the celebrations.
I’m sure that the last 43 years has been the highlight! (I don’t know if Lina will put up with me for 50 years!)
I tried to get a pic of the Nipper with a card we had both made (our handicraft skills are a similar level), but the Wee One wasn’t playing. Something in between the two pics was what I was aiming for!
Keiko looking glam & PPK looking like a 3am Karaoke King!
Last Sunday the Elections were held. It’s a different system here & if the winner does not have a 50% (+1) majority, it goes to a second round with the second place. The polls closed at 4pm on Sunday & word was that Keiko, the daughter of ex-President Fujimori (currently in the slammer for 25 years on charges against human rights) had around 40% & the two runners-up were close, but in the end PPK was second (they are actually still counting. Now when I worked at Ladbrokes, “Slow-counting” was a conman’s trick for betting on Greyhounds & short horse races. The vote counters here wouldn’t even be allowed a bookies pen in my eyes!)
They’ll go head to head in June, so if you voted for neither, you will have to now vote for one or the other. Who knows who will win, or what chaos they will cause when they get in..
There are some words here that have more than one meaning & generally a completely different meaning. I started running again last week, after 9mths of idleness. It’s been pretty much purgatory, not pretty to watch & the Lima concrete is not very inspiring (for me personally). I strive to find new routes & try my best to get away from the traffic/people. Not easy in a limping madhouse brimful of punters & traffic. I did find some turf to tread & was happily slogging along when it (very) suddenly turned into a swamp.
I had been daydreaming (& was in a new area) but this woke me up. It never rains here so my sun-addled brain took a few moments to work out what was happening. Then I heard a shout “ALTO!” which means “tall”. I looked up & saw a man dressed as a Military Policeman. Not just dressed as one, but actually one. He was pointing a gun in my general direction too. Why was he concerned about my height?
“Alto” also means “Halt” I then recalled. I had been running around the perimeter of “El Pentagonito” (the little Pentagon, everything here has a diminuitive! This is the HQ of the Peruvian army & military intelligence & I was paddling into their secret side door, ooops!
To add to my predicament, I wasn’t carrying any ID, bugger, how could I talk my way out of this one? The first thing that came to my head was just to play dumb (not difficult). “No entendio, no entendio” I repeated, as I got an irate dressing down. After a while the young MP grew tired of my stupidity & gave me a mouthful to get on my way, so I did one, rapidamente…
Victor Meldrew says…
An emotional last outing for the grumbler!
Victor will have one final moan & then retire. I have promised that Superclunk.com won’t be a weekly complaining post, so here is the last.
I won’t lie. There are many, many, many things that drive me nuts here. I do get homesick, I do miss my mates & family, I miss peace & quiet, I miss a pint/pies/rugby league, I miss sleep & I (sometimes) miss a bit of order. Chaos is ok, up to a point.
Traffic: Inconsiderate, brainless, reckless, thoughtless & clueless drivers. It’ll never change, despite my one-way-rantings-in-a-helmet at them. (Not forgetting the “Lima two-step” pedestrians. A woman had a go at me because I beeped my horn at here, because she walked out in front of me & I had to slam all-on not to hit her. No Green Cross Code here).THIS TRACK is dedicated to all the noisy, inconsiderate, impatient, horn-honking, unyielding huevones out there!
Victor Meldrew says “Piense Varon, when this city grinds to a complete standstill, it’s down to you, adios…”
What’s in a name
Every (4 weeks) cycle I have about 100-150 new names to remember, for a man with a shocking memory this is not easy. In just one class I have 2 x Alexanders, an Alessandro, an Alejandro, an Alejandra, an Alessandra & an Alexandro. Some names are simply misspelt to ease pronunciation. I have a guy called Maykol (Michael), a Deayanna & I even a Yhonathan!
There have been more impressive names pass through the system. A colleague told me that he had a Crazy Horse & an Iron Maiden. (No Deed Poll out here, it’s not necessary!)
I have always loved competitions, ever since I was a Nipper, every competition going. The law of averages should mean that I’ve won heaps, but I haven’t, but I have won one or two memorable prizes (& they were all competitions I entered & forgot about).Tickets to Kendal Festival (courtesy of The North Face). Rocked up thinking it was just tickets, but they were VIP tickets! Meal, free bar & a shedload of gear afterwards. Even got to meet Simone Mori & Cory Richards.
Tickets for the Dirt Bike show. Saw a load of bikes I couldn’t afford, bought a pair of boots I couldn’t justify (Special show price) & met two of my heroes: Austin Vince & Simon Pavey.
A Dirtpunk t-shirt!
Just for counting the number of times the Enduro legend Cyril Debris cursed in a video. I love Dirtpunk!And just this week, found out that I’d won tickets for the Queen´s birthday party in Lima. Not sure if she’s coming? Should be a good nosh-up, it’s just a shame I can’t tipple (not a bad thing perhaps). Big THANK YOU to Melissa (for covering my class) & to Lourdes (for the heads-up)
This is one of the best videos I have seen! This man is called Buddy Munro; an outstandingly funny stand-up comic & Tapdancer. He was the star of the original Mongol Rally film, which (for us) started everything. I’ve met him a few times & he is one of the funniest blokes I have met.
He also has a pair of cojones bigger than a Brahma Bull! (I don’t ever read The Sun, but THIS is a good write-up).This VIDEO will put a smile on your face. This bloke is seriously inspiring (& completely bonkers too!)
Have a week full of awesomeness.Salud
Johnny, Lina & the Nipper