You look like…


Good morning folks

I trust this finds you in superb for and finest fettle.
Here is the latest wrap-up of inane ramblings from a man very close to the edge.
A man on the move, and just sick enough to be totally confident.’
The weekly Lima round-up…

(The website crashed when I clicked “publish“, so this has all been scribbled not twice, but four times, damn you WordPress!)

Monkey running…

Darwin Dave and the Monkey Runners are all up in yonder mountains in the city of Ayacucho, soon to roar (!) inland to Atalaya, no news yet, but this is what awesomeness on two tiny wheels looks like!

d6 d4 d3 d2 d1



(All pics courtesy of Dave, cheers amigo!)

Crocked :-/

Hamstrung to be exact.
A cry from my legs that it’s not 1988 and I’m no speed merchant (never was anyway, definitely not nowadays and certainly not right now).

Hamstring injury(A bad choice/match of cycling shorts and vest had devastating effects!)
As yet undiagnosed, bugger and double d’oh :-/

My mate Will!

One thing that keeps me sane in this madhouse is my small group of mates.
Brilliant to catch up with Will midweek. I’d brought him some PG Tips back (which had me terrified that I would somehow leave them on the bus and although between us tea-tipplers it may be a priceless commodity, to a local non-connoisseur, they may be the worst brew ever!
Was pleased and relieved to deliver the goodies).

Happy brewing amigo :-)

Insomnia, I can’t get no sleep…

I won’t lie nor beat about the bush, I absolutely hate the place where I live.
Salamanca, you suck!
Because I had my ears syringed a week too early and had to suffer a concert on Tuesday, neighbour’s parties on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Saturday was a music-free-ish night, but two neighbours on opposite sides of the street were have a DIY-duel. A Deliverance style battle of the banjos between a hammer drill and a hammer. The hammer drill won. Game over around midnight!


Why do I hate it so much?
I just wish for a bit of P&Q. Not going to get any consideration, that would be too much to ask, but just a night without banging, crashing or walloping perhaps?
Considering a move, anywhere. Syria, Somalia or South Sudan all look appealing right now…

Obsessive compulsive disease?

Been wanting to write about this for a while, but it’s an uneasy can of worms and not a two-minute blurb. Next week…

El gato negro

When I first came here in 2004, I went to the Supermercado (Santa Isabel, now Plaza Vea) and was amazed to see what appeared to be really, really low prices in the Offy secion.
I was heading to a party and picked what looked like a bargain bottle of wine. Getting to the check-out the price had changed, but I didn’t have the Spanish, nor the nerve to back out.
(I later found out that liquor used to priced in US Dollar$, to avoid wild fluctuations, so my bargain price was in fact 3.5 times what I was hoping for and actually more expensive than Blighty prices!)

I arrived at the party with my pricey bottle of plonk, gave it to the host, no mention of a “gracias” and the bottle disappeared. (It is not the custom to take things to a party as the host is expected to provide all). I was invited to the same house a few months later and didn’t fancy splashing out again, so went for a carton of what is called “El Gato Negro” (the black cat).
I didn’t realise/expect it to be quite as badly received. I would have been more welcome taking a sandwich bag of my own warm urine. I wasn’t asked to leave, but I wasn’t made welcome to stay! Lesson learnt.


Got in from work on Friday and the Nipper informed me that there was a cat hiding under the bed! I was a bit shot to pieces after a long day, and thought nothing of it.

Around 1am I heard a strange noise (that weird noise that cats make which definitely isn’t a meow) which stirred me from my dreams and awoke to two eyes staring at me, a black cat! It had sneaked in when the bairn had opened the door earlier on and decided to have a look around. I opened the door and it slunk out. Did sleep deprivation make me dream it?


There are certain simple words which can really help you in Spanish.
There are other certain simple words that can turn any situation into a really bad situation…

The subtle difference between Señora and Señorita is one example!

At what age exactly does a Señorita become a Señora? That is a mystery!
I have got it wrong twice this week and both times the atmosphere has gone colder than subarctic!

This video (in Spanish) shows exactly the reaction I got this week :-/

Any old irons

On my current to smarten myself up at work (it won’t last) I have reached the dizzy domestic heights of buying a new iron this week. The overzealous salesman told me everything and more that I needed to know about “planchas” by demonstrating on his arm, (where I have been going wrong obviously). I was so befuddled by the end that I ended up with a super-plancha-licuadora-combo, (to replace the swine of a liquidiser that we had, which almost sliced off my index finger when it smashed into a thousand razor-sharp smithereens).

From this


to this?



Several conspiracy theories are lurking about last weekend.

I am suspicious of how wrecked I was and how rough I felt the next day (and all week, until Friday) on the back of a relatively small amount of alcohol. Hmmm…

Definitely not felt like a drink this week, however, the next session has been announced and all will be forgotten by then…

Nipper’s day out :-)

The Nipper and I had an all-dayer (not drinking, obviously) on Saturday.


I gave her the choice, so it was a steam-train-facepainting-trampolining-pizza/ice-cream-fuelled adventure! A good day out was had by all :-)

Sunday dinner :-)

One of the few things that keeps me sane in this madhouse is my mates. Without them, I don’t think I’d be able to hack it, they’re a good bunch.


A lazy Sunday dinner was just the ticket and a special prize goes to James D, for smashing the World Pudding Eating record, good work mate :-)

Copa Mundial?

Last week it was mentioned that it was mathematically possible for Peru to qualify for the World Cup. This week the team who like to test the nerves of a nation took a step closer, by beating Ecuador (away, at altitude) 2:1


All they need to do now is beat Argentina and Colombia and they’re in!

Watch this space…

You look like…

I bumped into a student who I handed seen for ages, when I stopped to chat, he seemed a bit lost for words and said

“Teacher, you look like…”
Seeming lost for words of the person. I am currently trying to grow my hair and was half expecting him maybe to say


or maybe the Santa Cruz superstar climber in Spain, Chris Sharma

chris sharma

But now, it was neither of these in the end.

“You look like, you look like, Einstein!”


Let’s just say he’ll have to work pretty hard to pass the cycle next time I have him!
(It was a very windy day and I did look a bit like a scarecrow).

And finally…

Sometimes the World seems a very small place and sometimes Lima seems like a huge concrete jungle. THIS VIDEO is only 3 minutes long, but it puts an amazing context to both trains of thought. Thanks to Neil H for the share :-)

Have an outstandingly awesome week.

Johnny, Lina and the Nipper




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